I can't really explain why I ended up sitting in a box size Russian hotel room at 1am writing my first blog post. How do you explain the 'why?' of something that feels so inevitable. There is an old saying that goes something like, 'it's the exact thing you would go for if you knew it existed'... So In February 2011 when I found a childhood diary with go to the top of the world scribbled in it something hit home.
When you find such a note to yourself you have to ask what is the top of the world? It was what I asked my father, he must known it was coming because his tone of voice had a certain degree of trepidation as if he knew as soon as he said the words Mt Everest he would be dealing with his daughter wanting to climb to what is essentially the top of the world. If you don't know me I'm 26yrs old 5'5 and usually weigh about 46kgs, if that wasn't enough there is the other crap that goes on. You see everything I do or maybe the better phrase would be 'supposedly do' seems to become the focus of a band of certifiable lunatics, I have never met. In-fact I would wager that right now you could write to a blogger and announce I had just been spotted committing some hideous act in NZ while I am sitting on the other side of the world in Russia and it would end up all over the internet. I would be hung and drawn without even having the right to response, the blogger wouldn't give a flying toss if it were true or not they would post it because my name followed by negative garbage equals = blog hits. It is safe to say that this very post will end up dissected and pillaged. Needless to say wanting to climb Everest attracts a fair whack of attention, wanting to be the first NZ woman to do something like climb the 7 summits even more so. Which explains my parents trepidation.
Because the sad reality is as a friend of mine in the media said before I left a friend of mine in the media said to me on the phone “you know that you not making the summit would get more coverage than making the summit”. My only response was that I had reached a point where I really didn't give a toss anymore. After 4yrs of having my life stalked by a lunatic I have never met and wouldn't know from a bar, in the form of two hate sites set up off shore to make it harder for lawyers to tackle and then numerous blog posts spewing vile slander. I simply have reached a point where I no longer register it, when something has taken you so low that you hit a rock bottom that has you wanting to end your life? The only thing I can really say is once you've been hit in the same place one two many times it all becomes numb.
It was this numbness and not giving a toss about others opinions that led me to walk away from a career I had to fight every inch of the way to get to follow a dream I had forgotten I had. So what if others thought it was mad, so what if they tried to use it against me. The reality was that everything that could have been done has already been done to me. I already lost everything on a very fateful May day in 2006 working for Emirates airlines in Dubai, I was 21yrs of age and felt as though I had the entire world at my feet. The world went up in smoke when the car I was traveling collided with a concrete barrier leaving me with a sequela brain injury. It left my memory in tatters but if I thought that was the worst that could happen to me, I had no idea what was to come. I would return home to New Zealand to face 4yrs of hell at the hands of someone who didn't even have the human decency to meet me before he drove my world as low as it could go. Then spend the next 4yrs salvaging my life and building under constant attack, with it would come media attention and tabloid headlines. All the while I hunkered down into my family and rode it out, not saying a word. Hold yourself above it they told me, you're in no state to get into a war of words.
I've taken more unfair hits that 99% of the population could handle and you know what? I'm still standing. I'm not bitter, I'm not hating on life and I can be proud to say that I came out the other end ten times the person I was at the beginning. So when I found that diary and words I couldn't remember writing it was like a light went on, it was god or fate if you're more that way inclined handing me a part of my life back. So I will be damned if I'm going to let the raving lunatics stand in the way of a dream so unique and so precious. It was this school of thought that had me board a plane to Queenstown in search of one of the worlds top mountain guides Guy Cotter when my father said it has to be the best, when I dialed the number for Adventure Consultants words can not explain how scared I was. I had already cut a deal with my family, I would go with the best and I would make sure I came home in one piece.
So when the ph started ringing I had to battle with all my will not to chicken out. There was the initial reservation, what if he judges me on what a few blog posts on the internet say? I don't know what Guy Cotter thought when he answered because I started the conversation in a rather peculiar way it went something like “Mr Cotter, I want to climb Everest now I'm sure a lot of people say that to you but I'm actually so serious; I've just quit my job and truth be told I've been in Wanaka trying to pluck up the courage to call you for the last two days.” When he told me to pop round to the office straight away my heart literally jumped so high I don't think it has come down since. It was the very meeting that led me to where I am sitting right now in a shabby mountain hotel on the eve before I attempt a summit bid on the highest peak in Europe, Mt Elbrus. My first of the 7 summits.
They tell me climbing the 7 summits is a fine way to prepare for Everest. So here I am, beginning my 7 summit bid in Russia. Of course in typical Pearl fashion there has been some road blocks put in my way, the authorities have closed the Southside of the Mountain. Which is the route that is always used and for good reason. With chairlifts, purpose built accommodation and snowcats it is the easiest and most developed way up the mountain. So I'm going up the Northside, undeveloped, no accommodation and only your legs to cary you every step of the way up the mountain with all of your stuff. Not to mention the far more difficult climb base to top there is also the terrible weather.
My team which is the smaller group of 4 consists of seasoned climbers, one was the second oldest woman to climb Everest and the other was the first Brazilian woman to climb Everest. To say I'm intimidated would be an understatement. I am the baby, but strangely this doesn't bother me. I feel light and safe, as if the burden of having to be successful has been vanquished by a new feeling. The joy of learning something new, of having beginners curiosity.
So here I am sitting in a little soviet union era shoe box that goes by the name of Hotel Tourist in a tiny town called Pyatigorsk, with all the windows and doors open because were in the middle of a heat wave and temperatures are touching 40 degrees out. It's crippling. Tomorrow we will leave for the mountain in beast of a bog that will take us over bumpy roads in wooden seats in the heat with no air conditioning for 7-8hrs. Sounds a little bonkers right? But how much of life is lost in waiting? If you are lucky enough to loose all of your dreams and then one day discover them again at an age where you were capable of living them why would you wait. I have learnt that there is no point in waiting because living your dream isn't going to be easy, waking up one day and deciding to be true to yourself, to quit hiding and front up to your own life is never easy. Such living requires you to face your biggest fears and the things you hide from. In the last few months I have been forced to accept that everything even the worst things in life happen to make you who you are.
Along my journey to here, I have had support from amazing people and brands, some who I will be blogging about over the next couple of days.
When you set out to live a dream and you do so with such force of will amazing things happen. I was asked a few weeks ago if I am afraid to fail and the answer is NO. I am not afraid to fail because I am doing this for no one else but myself, this is my dream and I intend to live it. So whether I make it to the summit or not I'm not going to surrender my dreams to failure. Those who surrender their dreams to failure don't deserve to be living them. You have to get back up, you have to pull up your boots and say to yourself – if you want it, go get it! No excuses!
Which is what I will be telling myself on the ride tomorrow...
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